Everyone in the house is asleep & I’m up on the laptop. As I’m shuffling images from one drive to another I come across a folder labeled ‘Phone’. I apparently dumped an old phone into this file around 2008-ish or so. As I scrolled through them I just can’t adult anymore man. I don’t know if its the fact that the house burned down or the kids growing up so much & so fast or what. I just can’t! I can remember people saying when I was a kid that you grow up fast. Then when my oldest Jayden was born it was ‘Enjoy it while it lasts, they grow up fast’ What did they know? This shit is lasting forever! Now here I sit at 35 with the oldest in high school. Its all just slipping past. Not just them but me. Am I the only one who sees pictures of their friends on Facebook & is like “DAMN look how old that person looks!” without realizing that I myself am looking my age as well. I don’t feel middle aged so its hard to look at myself like that.
I wish I could tell this guy a few things! It’s gonna be okay when this happens. Don’t do that its not predictive! Don’t put that job over your family. Don’t waste your money & free time on this or that. I also wish I could tell that guy “Be a better jew & grow the bear already!” or most importantly “You look super stupid with a shaved head!”
There’s just no substitution in life for hind sight is there? You just miss the little things. You know what? & don’t judge me here! I even miss the early years of autism a little. Just a little. I miss the belly laughs at things he didn’t understand. I miss his special interests that he used to have. All those little things, for all three boys are just gone. Some of them they don’t even remember were things anymore. I know I know, this is starting to either read like the start to a hallmark movie or a suicide note! Maybe both? You’re welcome for the free ideas Hallmark.