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Where does the time go?

Everyone in the house is asleep & I’m up on the laptop. As I’m shuffling images from one drive to another I come across a folder labeled ‘Phone’. I apparently dumped an old phone into this file around 2008-ish or so. As I scrolled through them I just can’t adult anymore man. I don’t know if its the fact that the house burned down or the kids growing up so much & so fast or what. I just can’t! I can remember people saying when I was a kid that you grow up fast. Then when my oldest Jayden was born it was ‘Enjoy it while it lasts, they grow up fast’ What did they know? This shit is lasting forever! Now here I sit at 35 with the oldest in high school. Its all just slipping past. Not just them but me. Am I the only one who sees pictures of their friends on Facebook & is like “DAMN look how old that person looks!” without realizing that I myself am looking my age as well. I don’t feel middle aged so its hard to look at myself like that.

I belive 2008

I wish I could tell this guy a few things! It’s gonna be okay when this happens. Don’t do that its not predictive! Don’t put that job over your family. Don’t waste your money & free time on this or that. I also wish I could tell that guy “Be a better jew & grow the bear already!” or most importantly “You look super stupid with a shaved head!”

Somewhere around 2009, so young!

There’s just no substitution in life for hind sight is there? You just miss the little things. You know what? & don’t judge me here! I even miss the early years of autism a little. Just a little. I miss the belly laughs at things he didn’t understand. I miss his special interests that he used to have. All those little things, for all three boys are just gone. Some of them they don’t even remember were things anymore. I know I know, this is starting to either read like the start to a hallmark movie or a suicide note! Maybe both? You’re welcome for the free ideas Hallmark.

Reflecting On Mothersday

I don’t talk about this much but with mothers day being last sunday its been on my mind a lot over the last several days. When my oldest two sons biological mother & I split up it was rough. I knew I had done the right thing for all three of us but trying to figure out how to do things as a single dad with two kids, one of whom was just a few months old, was challenging. I had a lot of help from my family while I juggled shifts at the ambulance station as an EMT with grave yard shifts at the police station as a 911 dispatcher. The kids rarely saw their biological mom so it really was just the three of us & a lot of visits to grandma’s house.

DSC_3862A friend of mine from high school was getting married & when I got the invitation I decided to go, I won’t mention that I unknowingly wore all black to their wedding! 🙂 At the wedding I ran into so many people I knew & ended up getting a lot of the ‘How you doing buddy?’ conversations. Samantha, now my wife, & I ran into each other not knowing both of us were divorced as we had been couple friends with our ex spouses years earlier. I just remember it being so nice that someone understood a little bit of what it was like to go through what I was going through. Granted she was 3 years younger, in her very early twenties at that time, & a cool chick living in the city so she didn’t know about being neck deep in kids but she did know all about how it felt to be betrayed &, lets be honest, pretty bitter about relationships. We sat talking about everything from what happened in each of our marriages to what we had been doing the last several years, to talking about the kids. Hind sights 20/20 neither one of us realized just how good it felt to be around each other until on the drive home. I tried to play it cool & wait the appropriate amount of days (according to the sex in the city unwritten rule book) then I sent her a message on MySpace…yeah, MySpace. I’ll spare you all the mushy details but it wasn’t long after that I realized that all women are in fact NOT evil! I know, who would have thought!?! It was a very…very short time later before we both popped the L word it was all over after that, I was done. When you find someone out of your league who you are with out a doubt sure is way to good for you & for some reason they love you back…lock that shit up! 🙂

SAM_7283The reason this has all been on my mind around mothers day is how much these kids have been through, good & bad. They were born to a mother who, without going into it to deep here, just wasn’t equipped to be their mother. I remember having a conversation with her about how I wanted full custody & she replied ‘Take them, I don’t want them.’ After she was gone & I sat on the couch in my super crappy apartment in the ghetto I just remember thinking about how hard things were going to be & how different life was going to be. I thought about how hard growing up with just me was going to be for them & how I would never let another person in to our little tribe. I think back to that time sitting on the couch when I strong but weak, brave but scared, & sure but totally unsure. Flash forward to this mothers day, all these years later, when we celebrate the woman who was a fun loving 20 something who gave all that up to move in with three stinky boys & make a real family out of us. We have a son together who is just as perfect as the other two, we own a successful business, we are together pretty much 24/7 but are still best friends, & despite my adding of several…several pounds onto my midsection over the years I am still somehow found attractive by this woman who remains so far out of my league that every time she says ‘I love you’ its like I won the lottery. How much life changes. No matter how hard things are, if you don’t know what to do or where to go, even if things are broken in your life its crazy to me how everything can be changed by love. I really appreciate her even though I don’t show it enough. I really love her even though I don’t show it enough. I really appreciate her & I’m going to show it enough from now on.


Okay, so you’ve read this far so I also want to say thanks to all of you who have been watching our new web show on YouTube. If you haven’t taken the time to check it out please do! We will be posting them regularly, it’s been really fun. We talk about whats going on in life, we answer questions people leave in the comments for send us, & also I let Jayden talk about a bit of what he is into so there is always going to be some Doctor Who, MineCraft, & Yu-Gi-O talk on there as well.

Toy Share Time! {Better Than Minecraft?}

So we are doing some videos & the trade off is I’m letting Jayden pick the topic of some of them while I get to pick others. Well, we set up the camera & what he wanted to share with everyone was his favorite toy! Better than iPhone, better than Wii, better than… dare I say it… MINECRAFT! I bought this thing called Snap Circuits Jr. on amazon for him. It had really good reviews & it comes with all kinds of circuits to connect so you can, if put together correctly to flow the electricity, make the lights light up or propeller spin. He loves putting it together in different ways & it has, as you can imagine, spurred him to research switches & circuits to learn more about electricity.  Very fun but very educational with real world applications for down the road. I paid about $25 for it on amazon. You can check it out here:
No, that’s not a regular link its one of those nifty “if you buy one of these by clicking on this tom gets a kickback from amazon” kind of links. I didn’t get this free to review & I wasn’t asked to review it I just saw it on amazon so I bought one & he happened to go ape over it. {Just wanted to put that out there} I just know that sometimes with our kids it hard to find something that they will really really like but doesn’t include them getting on a computer or wii or xbox or yeah, you get me.


I really enjoy posting videos on Youtube & Jayden… well, he would live on Youtube if I let him! Really, how many Minecraft videos could there be!?!

***Side Note*** After reading this first couple of lines over my shoulder & then running to his room I was just informed that here are approximately 78,600,000 Minecraft related videos on youtube.

We have a youtube channel that I sometimes post on but after going through to review the comments (you have to keep the Internet trolls in check) I realized that I have just about 500 subscribers. Why not do some vlogs! It puts a face & voice with the blog as well as I realize that sometimes it’s easier to watch a 3 minute video than it is to read a super long blog. The videos of Jayden overstimulated or even the interview style videos to get a look at his perspective are interesting, fun, & judging from the overwhelming response from readers they are helpful so check it out: Adventures In Aspergers The YouTube Channel

So head over to the Youtube Channel & subscribe! As I post videos I will post them up here on the main blog as well. I’m excited!!

Dancing . . . With A Girl . . .

The other day I got a phone call from the mother of one of Jayden’s classmates. She was so excited that they had paired up for the big dance program & wanted to see if we could co-ordinate their outfits. I’m pretty impressed with my ability to hide the “What the heck are you talking about!?” in my voice. Just rolling with the “I know, I’m so excited as well!” I got as much info as I could from her then after the phone call I did the mad-dad-dash to his room to ask the questions I should have known the answer to already! “Hey Jayden…. is there something you forgot to tell me?” … “No” “Maybe something about a dance program you are going to be in?” “Oh yeah. I’m dancing in a program” It almost seemed like he knew what we were talking about so I went out on a limb & asked “When is it buddy?”… to which he replied “I don’t know!” Aaaahhhh!

This happens sometimes. His school had a program one time that he was in & once we got there were astonished to see him center stage with a singing solo! These things just don’t get back to us.

   Last year he took ball room dancing & loved it. For the program he danced with a partner & then with my wife. He had such a great time! Despite the fact that we had barley even found out about the program & were shocked to see all the other kids dressed up standing beside Jayden in his bluejeans & t-shirt! NOT THIS YEAR! I have a heads up! While out looking for an outfit for him yesterday we found what may be the most epic bow tie ever! I’m a bow tie guy so I really wanted him to go that route & what better way to get him on board than an old school Mario Brothers  bow tie.  
     So, on valentines day my son will be ball room dancing with a girl from class in the school program. How did this happen! How are we dancing with girls already? I’m not ready for growing up to be here already!

Showing mom some dance moves!